I am exhausted...

but I feel the need to update-I think in my mind I have turned this blog into more of a challenge than anything, I always told myself I couldn't keep up with a blog and since I told myself that I feel the need to prove myself wrong, I guess?
Anyway, I am also attempting to strive toward my "ideal body", which may not be what many people see as ideal, but I like.
I like having curves and being "thick", but not fat, I like muscular legs and a curved waist, so that is what I am striving for!
(wish me luck!). I have been going to the gym when I get the time (between all the damned school work!!!) and I am running on empty as of this moment. I long for sleep or relaxation, the latter of which I have never really been able to achieve (any tips??).
I am also striving to "eat better", which basically refers to no "junk", which I am actually very good at (when my boyfriend and I eat out it is commonly Phở) and I am not particularly fond of french fries or any of the common "junk food" tempters. So that is that.

I am running myself ragged in thought, I have been stuck in philosophy class for the entire weekend up until today and I am sure it will follow me for quite a while. It makes me tired, trying to sort all my thoughts and explain my personal philosophies as well as those I am attempting to instill into my brain (obliterating dualism-it is more difficult than it seems).

I have made some mistakes recently with my boyfriend, which I regret and I feel terrible about-and I have been lingering on for far too long. As I have said before, he intends to leave for the Navy soon, which I am heartbroken about (but I am very, very proud and excited for him too!) I just do not know what his intentions with me are. If he leaves and wants to see/sleep with other girls, I will not allow him to call me his girlfriend, because I feel that is unfair, but he really is not the kind of man to care immensely about sex (though I am sure with enough time away-he may). So this causes an inner conflict within me- is physical love connected to emotional love? In many (monogamous) cases, yes, it is. So what does that mean for us?
I suppose it is just time to "cross that bridge when we get there"? He never seems particularly inclined to discuss the topic-

Winter quarter begins tomorrow and I am only slightly excited to get back into the groove of things. I have been lazy since break started-but only in my studies. As far as socially and physically, I have been very active, working out at the gym and spending more time with friends than is average for me, so for that I am pleased.

This quarter I am taking 17 credits-five of which I am thrilled about, my "Philosophy in Cinema" class. Though this does not directly relate to my idea of a major, it seemed like "my" kind of class. I am also taking English, Math and Educational Philosophies (Mind you, I am still a freshman). I am already pondering whether or not to partake in Summer Quarter- or to dash off to Hawai`i again and spend time with my family. I am really not sure what I am to do, I have decided to try to "roll with the punches" this year, because it is surely to be a doozy.

On a different note, New Years was quite interesting and I learned that I have the ability to go past my personal qualms with bodily fluids to help someone in need and I am glad to have learned that fact and that the person in question came out perfectly fine.

I also got my New Years kiss- in an odd way.