but I feel the need to update-I think in my mind I have turned this blog into more of a challenge than anything, I always told myself I couldn't keep up with a blog and since I told myself that I feel the need to prove myself wrong, I guess?
Anyway, I am also attempting to strive toward my "ideal body", which may not be what many people see as ideal, but I like.
I like having curves and being "thick", but not fat, I like muscular legs and a curved waist, so that is what I am striving for!
(wish me luck!). I have been going to the gym when I get the time (between all the damned school work!!!) and I am running on empty as of this moment. I long for sleep or relaxation, the latter of which I have never really been able to achieve (any tips??).
I am also striving to "eat better", which basically refers to no "junk", which I am actually very good at (when my boyfriend and I eat out it is commonly Phở) and I am not particularly fond of french fries or any of the common "junk food" tempters. So that is that.
I am running myself ragged in thought, I have been stuck in philosophy class for the entire weekend up until today and I am sure it will follow me for quite a while. It makes me tired, trying to sort all my thoughts and explain my personal philosophies as well as those I am attempting to instill into my brain (obliterating dualism-it is more difficult than it seems).
I have made some mistakes recently with my boyfriend, which I regret and I feel terrible about-and I have been lingering on for far too long. As I have said before, he intends to leave for the Navy soon, which I am heartbroken about (but I am very, very proud and excited for him too!) I just do not know what his intentions with me are. If he leaves and wants to see/sleep with other girls, I will not allow him to call me his girlfriend, because I feel that is unfair, but he really is not the kind of man to care immensely about sex (though I am sure with enough time away-he may). So this causes an inner conflict within me- is physical love connected to emotional love? In many (monogamous) cases, yes, it is. So what does that mean for us?
I suppose it is just time to "cross that bridge when we get there"? He never seems particularly inclined to discuss the topic-
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