As per usual my head is still delved in some sort of attempt to figure out what makes the world tick. I think that once you begin thinking about it, all the little things of everyday life become somewhat trivial. This may be the reason I have had difficulty eating and sleeping. My mind is not in the now really, though I am spending time with friends and such (which is a fabulous change of events)- I am doing it in a somewhat passive manner. Odd, but I do not think it will be changing any time soon.

I am motivated, however, to become a teacher. Especially after a lecture from one of my professors on Monday and after Obama's State of the Union address last night. The most impacting quote from that speech had to be "Become a teacher, your country needs you". That was highly inspiring to me, and I am motivated to work harder in my studies (though all the thinking causes me to lose sleep and not eat-which proves difficult when it comes to attempting to focus).

My boyfriend has a new goal for me: to make girl friends. He wants me to be able to go out and do things while he is gone, and I really only have male friends (that is not to take away from the few girl friends I do have!!). But there is no one who wants to go to the clubs or shop. We are all so delved in our studies (or they are delved into clubs, activities) that I hardly find someone with similar interests (and similar funds aka $0). So this is my new project I guess, though it seems somewhat trivial, maybe it will get me out of this "funk".

Apologies, I have been really busy. Schoolwork and such.

An few old friends have been reintroduced into my life and it is fabulous. I have been working my hardest to remain social whilst still getting things done. I am doing well so far, I think.

Though I should be reading some essays right now, I feel some down time is necissary in order to maintain my sanity.

My birthday is on Sunday, I will be turning nineteen, so that is exciting.

I am not sure what I will be doing, but a few friends have invited to take me out, so that is nice (:

Other than that, I really do not have much to talk about, though I do have an essay I will link here once I finish it, because I am pretty proud of it (:

Right now I am (still) exhausted and though the weekend is coming I feel no relief. I have a 2500 word essay due Monday and I have to read a hundred or so pages of Freire and a book called "How to Escape From a Leper Colony" so I will be very busy.
Unfortunately my mind still refuses discontinue its constant intellectual rampage of thought.
I am going to try to relax a bit this weekend- I intend to attend the Seattle MLK ceremony and make a trip to an abandoned insane asylum with a few friend- I also wish to go Swing Dancing, but alas I fear that may not happen.
I do not like going without my boyfriend-in fear that he might get offended that I would dance with other men (he has not voiced problem with it, in fact he encourages me to go out with my girlfriends to dance, but in his culture dancing with someone else is considered cheating, so I am afraid I will offend?)

Anyway this post is fairly pointless- I am too tired to continue. So here is a picture of how tired I feel.

I am exhausted...

but I feel the need to update-I think in my mind I have turned this blog into more of a challenge than anything, I always told myself I couldn't keep up with a blog and since I told myself that I feel the need to prove myself wrong, I guess?
Anyway, I am also attempting to strive toward my "ideal body", which may not be what many people see as ideal, but I like.
I like having curves and being "thick", but not fat, I like muscular legs and a curved waist, so that is what I am striving for!
(wish me luck!). I have been going to the gym when I get the time (between all the damned school work!!!) and I am running on empty as of this moment. I long for sleep or relaxation, the latter of which I have never really been able to achieve (any tips??).
I am also striving to "eat better", which basically refers to no "junk", which I am actually very good at (when my boyfriend and I eat out it is commonly Phở) and I am not particularly fond of french fries or any of the common "junk food" tempters. So that is that.

I am running myself ragged in thought, I have been stuck in philosophy class for the entire weekend up until today and I am sure it will follow me for quite a while. It makes me tired, trying to sort all my thoughts and explain my personal philosophies as well as those I am attempting to instill into my brain (obliterating dualism-it is more difficult than it seems).

I have made some mistakes recently with my boyfriend, which I regret and I feel terrible about-and I have been lingering on for far too long. As I have said before, he intends to leave for the Navy soon, which I am heartbroken about (but I am very, very proud and excited for him too!) I just do not know what his intentions with me are. If he leaves and wants to see/sleep with other girls, I will not allow him to call me his girlfriend, because I feel that is unfair, but he really is not the kind of man to care immensely about sex (though I am sure with enough time away-he may). So this causes an inner conflict within me- is physical love connected to emotional love? In many (monogamous) cases, yes, it is. So what does that mean for us?
I suppose it is just time to "cross that bridge when we get there"? He never seems particularly inclined to discuss the topic-

What is Human?

What is human? To me it is the idea of not only living, but also those things that we humans feel- raging emotions. What does it mean to be dehumanized? To take away the human traits and characteristics of someone, by my definition. For example, Congresswoman Giffords shooting- I am led to understand that on Sarah Palin's website there were crosshairs (like that of a scope of a gun) used in reference to strong Democratic and Liberal representatives (See this article) This is dehumanization in the sense that this image takes away human traits of these representatives-showing them as something to be hunted (these types of images-this rhetoric is used by many political parties, I am not attempting to advocate one or the other). This same method was used by Hitler and the Nazi's, calling the Jews "rats" and treated them as something to be hunted. Our humanity is being rhetoric-ed out from under us. In Paulo Freire's "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" he attempts to break down the duality (or "us" and "them", "democrat" and "republican", "teacher" and "student", basically any label of difference between class or importance of people) of human kind. This is incredibly significant because it takes away the "I am right and you are wrong" idea, and opens everyone up to free dialogue, actual and real discussion. Is this not a more human(e) way to live?

The weekend was incredible, but I do have a few things I want to talk about other than my fabulous weekend with my boyfriend.

1.) How it feels to be the daughter and girlfriend of people who speak other languages-it is fabulous to be exposed to other cultures and to hear different languages constantly, but sometimes you feel really left out. ):

2.) HOLY CRAP THE SEAHAWKS, WINNERS BABY!!!!

2.) My boyfriend and I watched a romantic movie tonight ("How Do You Know?") and it got me thinking about what romantic things I am into- so I am attempting to compile a list which I will post in a post later-hopefully :D

3.) Philosophy- I have been reading "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire and wow, powerful stuff- I still have a ways to go in the book, but I am totally diggin what I am reading. Also- we are watching The Matrix next week in my film class-that movie...I think I have seen it a million times- growing up with my nerdy father :D I am excited though.

4.) EMERALD CITY COMICON! Dad says we are going. Oh my gosh.

5.) My boyfriend is incredible! We went out to Mexican food and got a cheesecake (from the cheesecake factory) last night and then ate Texan Grill today and went to a movie. He makes me heart melt, just as an fyiiii <3

I just found out the most brilliant news-

I have been a bit behind on the goings-on in Seattle as of late, but I found out that the Brother's McManus (Sean Patrick Flannery and Norman Reedus <33)>I HAVEEEE TO GO! That is my favourite film and I adore the boys, they are such cuties! I MUST find a way to go!!!

Getting a picture with them would be BRILLIANT! :D